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Star Wars Fans Concerned Force Awakens Won’t Be Racist Enough

at 5:47 pm | By
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Source: Twitter @SuperBroMovies

Fans are furious following the release of the newest Star Wars trailer. But instead of finding flaws in the treatment of Lucas’s original dream or the overarching theme of good vs. evil, this time the frustration arose from casting decisions; specifically, the choice to feature black and female leads in a traditionally all-white, mostly-male universe. The exception, of course, being Lando and Leia, who were only present for the main characters to have sex with and high five, respectively.

Jon Franklin, a 33-year-old man covered in pizza flavored Combo pretzel crumbs, described some of his frustrations, saying, “I’ve been standing in line for this movie ever since I found out about the female Ghostbusters film. Now that I know it won’t be racist and sexist like the rest of the Star Wars films, I don’t know if I can see it anymore.”

Other fans are worried the inclusion of non-white characters might ruin what made Star Wars special in the first place.
“When we were first introduced to that flying Jew elephant guy that owns Anakin and his mom, I thought, I know exactly who this guy is,” Star Wars super fan and moderator of the popular subreddit r/MeatballSubs Frank Donelly told reporters.
He continued, “Star Wars is supposed to be racist. That’s why the story moves so smoothly. If I had to be introduced to the distinct, imaginative culture of every new alien species, the main story would get bogged down by boring details. With racism, I can look at Lando’s fish lipped co-pilot and say, oh okay, he’s Japanese. I know those people, and we can focus on what’s really important: blowing up the Death Star.”

“Personally I like to imagine that R2-D2 is constantly spewing racial slurs and, for marketing reasons, they decided to censor his language in post production. That’s why all the human characters can understand what his beeps mean, and why they’re always laughing at his extremely racist trash can robot humor,” another fan told reporters, though he refused to give his name as he promised his wife he would stop watching Star Wars after she discovered his collection of erotic asphyxiation based Darth Vader fan fiction.

“It’s not that I’m racist, it’s that Star Wars is, and it should be. Not being racist is a Star Trek thing. You can’t steal elements from the other thing I’m obsessed with. Imagine if Jean Luc Picard could suddenly move things with his mind. That’s how offensive this is.”

“A black Jedi? A black guy can’t be a Jedi. Star Wars is supposed to be about a guy that doesn’t know who his father is who has to team up with a criminal to avoid being killed by the government.”

Though LucasFilm has been quick to publicly denounce the race based concerns of some fans, privately the studio promises the new film will appeal to its entire fan base. A source close to the film told reporters, “There’s still plenty of racist stuff in Force Awakens for die hard fans. We’ve got an alien named Dolezal that calls everyone mammy, an entire race of coin-eating landlords. There’s even a turban guy that just sets off metal detectors.”

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