Firebrand pastor Earl Pickett Tuggins of the Westboro Baptist Church recently came out in opposition of what he calls “the homosexual tendencies” of a 5.6 billion year old ball of burning plasma.
The comments stemmed from sunburn Tuggins received while protesting deer and other local wildlife for their lack of commitment to tithing. Tuggins felt the sun was clearly pro-gay for turning him pink and demanded a boycott.
In a prepared statement, Tuggins declared “Any object, space livin’ or otherwise, that turns men pink when they yell at deer with their shirts off must be gay. And a gay space object is one of the worst there is.”
When reached for further comment, Tuggins was unable to clearly articulate his point due to a tongue burn he sustained while attempting to lick mustard out of a toaster.