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Swiss Cheese Thief’s Story Has Holes In It

at 12:59 pm | By

Man’s story has a funny smell to it.


(Photo by shutterstock)

Photo by shutterstock

Police in Columbus, Ohio have apprehended a man accused of stealing over 300 pounds of Swiss cheese. The man, Micky McBurgal, claims his innocence, but his story had a lot of holes in it.

“It wasn’t me,” McBurgal told reporters as police marched him into the police station. “I swear to Gouda!”

“Yeah, yeah,” mumbled Office Grater, “You feta have a good explanation as to why we spotted you at the scene of the crime then.”

McBurgal’s story started soft and after hours of grilling, it didn’t get any cheddar. “I was bleu, it was my birthday and I started feeling aged, so I decided to talk a walk. Just a stroll, you know? But I started to get borden and figured I’d visit my old pal at the cheese factory, Tommy Ramano. But he wasn’t there you see, he left early to head out to the forest to go campi. That’s when I saw them, 5 big huntsmen doing, what looked like, an impromptu burglary. And I said, ‘hey you guys, that’s nacho cheese,’ but they wouldn’t listen. I said, ‘put that cheese down or I’m kummin after ya,’ but they wouldn’t let the cheese brie. So I started running over there to grab them, but they were quite krafty and escaped with the cheese. That’s when you arrived.”

Police couldn’t find any record of a Romano working at the cheese factory, and no trace of 5 huntsmen. For now, McBurgal is expected to serve some hard time in jail.

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