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Ted Cruz Comes Out: He’s Gay!

at 7:00 am | By


Ted Cruz seen here in his pajamas. (Photo by Getty Images / Pool)

Ted Cruz couldn’t be happier. After months of holding in his secret, the junior senator from Texas came out today. Through his front door and onto the streets to admit he’s gay. The announcement comes a week and a half after he announced he would run for the Republican Party nomination in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election and a few days after a wonderful camping trip with friends.

Cruz has a lot to be gay about. During his short time as a senator he has made big strides in keeping the government from doing anything productive. That makes him very happy, sources say. Stalling government isn’t the only thing that makes Cruz giddy, he also loves hiking, nature, and, especially, reading. “He’s a bit of a Nancy-boy,” a friend of Cruz said, “So he had a lot of fun reading Nancy Reagan’s memoirs this weekend during our trip to Glacier National Park.”

The Harvard Law School graduate is also a lover of bears. Their massive bodies and powerful stances have always given Cruz quite a rise. So, of course, he was overly excited to visit the national park with a group of his manliest friends for a weekend of pitching tents, camping, and cruising the wilderness for those big beasts.

The only thing Cruz wasn’t happy about this weekend was the law against starting bonfires in the park. “Cruz is a big flamer,” his camping buddy said, “So he wasn’t too thrilled about sitting in the dark under the stars. But I think I warmed him up with thoughts of Santorum.”