News so real... it probably isn't

Ted Cruz Promises To Send His Dad Back To Cuba

at 1:28 pm | By

(Photo by Scott Olson / Getty)

(Photo by Scott Olson / Getty)

Republican Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz had some harsh words for Cuban immigrants following news that the U.S. would be reopening diplomatic relations with the small, island nation. And though he objected to the idea of the U.S. dealing with the socialist regime on philosophical grounds, he saved some of his harshest words for one particular Cuban immigrant: his father.

“It’s preposterous that we would open our borders and diplomatic ears to a socialist government that has no respect for our democratic way of life. Almost as preposterous as not letting your son have ice cream until after he finished all his chores. As President I promise to not only halt all contact with Cuba, but send every Cuban immigrant back to that country. Especially my father who never let me do anything! Enjoy living in a dirty hut and driving a car that was built in the 40’s old man, bet you wish you let me go to Jimmy’s Sleepover in 1972 now, don’t you?”

At press time, Cruz was calling his mother with a list of attributes he wants to see from his “new dad.”

Good riddance to Rafael? If you’re happy to see him go, SHARE this article.

Share