This is bigger than a dentist.
Though it was initially believed that Dr. Walter Palmer, the American Dentist who killed Cecil the Lion, was acting alone, new information obtained by the Farce Report indicate that Palmer was part of a larger plot to bring down the Zimbabwean national treasure.
“The Dentist was merely a puppet, a hired gun. The real culprit resides in Cecil’s own family,” an anonymous source close to Cecil was quoted as saying. The source, a baboon whose name has been changed to Wafiki to protect his identity, identified Scar, Cecil’s brother, as the true mastermind.
“Scar wanted to be King of the Jungle, he knew he needed Cecil out of the way for that to happen so he hired Palmer to do it, make it look like an accident” said Wafiki.
Naturally, animal lovers worry about the fate of Cecil’s cubs, now that the young Lions have no father to provide for them and a menacing uncle potentially after them. However, reports indicate Cecil’s cubs are safe and under the protection of a gay, interspecies warthog and meerkat couple.
At press time, authorities were investigating the possibility of a 2nd shooter in the case, as a rifle covered in Hyena slobber was recovered on a grassy knoll not far from where Cecil was killed.
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It’s someone you know, and you won’t be happy about it.