This week in Seattle, Washington an Uber driver by the name Terrence Delmano was pulled from his car, brought to the ground, and arrested by two police officers after several reports had been filed claiming Delmano had assaulted his passengers with his cologne.
“The smell was horrific,” claimed one anonymous woman who had been assaulted during a ride to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. “Delmano talked the entire time during the assault, telling me he had made his own mixture of cologne including Draakar Noir, Axe, and Jean Paul Gaultier.”
Delmano claims the smell is to help passengers feel more comfortable. “I eat a lot of lamb and onions,” Delmano said, “Believe me, this smell is a lot better than that which I’m masking.”
However customers of Uber do not agree. “It smelled like a man died inside my Italian’s grandfather’s closet,” said local barista David Korsick. “I only needed to go about a mile down the road, and I thought an Uber would be an enjoyable experience. Instead my nose was assaulted with the most vile mixture of cologne I’ve ever encountered. I left that Uber and only gave Delmano 3 stars. A record low for me.”
Police will begin processing Delmano’s arrest and preparing him for trial as soon as they can hose off all the cologne from his body.
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