Erin and Wayne’s relationship is as beautiful as capitalism is ugly.
Guests attending the Markowski-Chang wedding were treated to an unusual speech from best man Scott Van Horn over the weekend. After beginning his remarks with a few general platitudes about how happy he was for the newly married couple, Van Horn delivered a three hour long speech that was mostly about Democratic Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders.
“Erin and Wayne’s relationship is as beautiful and fair as our greed based, capitalist economy is ugly and rigged and while I hope nothing ever changes the bond between these two wonderful people, I hope one man, from the state of Vermont, divorces the American people from the plutocrats currently running our society,” Van Horn began his speech, and continued to describe, in excruciating detail, the economic reforms Bernie Sanders would push through, before switching topics at the two hour mark.
“I know that Erin and Wayne’s marriage is totally sustainable, but what isn’t sustainable is our dependence on fossil fuel which is ruining our environment. You know who’s going to change that?”
At this point, all the wedding guest shouted in unison“Bernie Sanders,” and an Uncle of the groom begged “can we please just eat now?” to which Van Horn replied, “we can still afford food today, but if the fat cats have their way, we won’t even have enough money for cereal in a few years.”
After several more threats from wedding attendees and a number of objects thrown at him, Van Horn concluded speech by saying “I hope your love will continue to grow at the rate which the wealth of the richest 1% has grown over the past 30 years.”
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