News so real... it probably isn't

Trump to Open “Americans-Only” Hotel in Cuba

at 1:22 pm | By

“Let’s keep the Cubans on a raft where they belong”

Donald Trump, frontrunner of the Republican presidential hopefuls has weighed in on the latest news concerning Cuba. The United States will be raising its flag at the U.S. Embassy in Cuba this week. This will ultimately lead to a surge of American tourists visiting the island that has been forbidden to set foot on for over 50 years.

Trump, ultimately a businessman, said he approves of lifting the embargo. “Hey, they might all be socialists and terrorists, but this can be huge. Huge. Tourism there is going to sky-rocket, and I plan to build a 90-story hotel resort for Americans-only. This way you don’t have to deal with all the ethnics while enjoying your Cuban cigars.”

The real estate mogul’s plan includes the top floor to be a high-class four star Arby’s, while the other floors will include themed hotel rooms. “We want people to feel like they never left the US. So we’ll have rooms that look like all your favorite places: an Urban Outfitters, the DMV, or a Piggly Wiggly, hey it’ll be great. Oh, and waterslides. Waterslides coming out your ass, so many waterslides.”

When asked if Americans might be visiting to see Cuban culture, Trump replied, “That’s the most racist thing I’ve ever heard. Anyone who wants to see how those dirty Cubans live is a traitor to America and deserves to stay in that filthy country.”

Will you be visiting Cuba soon? SHARE this article and let us know!