News so real... it probably isn't

US Independence Day Celebrations Highly Dependent on Chinese Fireworks

at 3:00 pm | By

fireworks-shutter

(Photo by shutterstock)

LEATHERGUT TX – American independence is a fiercely guarded treasure. A 239-year-old trophy won by our gritty ancestors. So naturally, there is but one powerful nation at the heart of our independence celebrations – China.As the producer of nearly everything with a fuse, we rely heavily, if not exclusively, on China to provide the “bombs bursting in air” over America on July 4th.That irony doesn’t sit well with Jasper Peck, a grey haired cowboy sauntering across Texas on a quest to bring fireworks home.“The Bible belt has been holding up the moral pants of this country since always, and the nation needs us again,” said Jasper. His plan? Lobby America’s powerful arms producers to add fireworks to their portfolios.So far, Jasper has been unable to get a meeting with Lockheed Martin, or anyone with any credibility whatsoever, but people like Jasper don’t go down without a fight.Do you love seeing stuff being blown up? Then SHARE this article.
Share