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Velociraptor Has Weird, Ugly Cousin Just Like You

at 2:58 pm | By

A new scientific paper reveals new dinosaur that will remind you of your awkward cousin Todd.

We all have a Todd. Maybe he’s Randy or Phil or Jesse, but we all have one of them. That creepy cousin that shows up to one out of every five family occasions with a girlfriend half his age. He lurks through the guests trying to tickle them asking, “how much money you making these days?”

Turns out the velociraptor, one of the most badass dinosaurs ever, has a Todd, too. Zhenyuanlong suni was a multi-colored winged and feathered dinosaur that probably never made it to college and works at a Jiffy Lube just outside of town.

Scientists only recently discovered the feathered terror in Asia where it had gone into hiding, spending a good amount of his inheritance on lady boys. When asked for comment from a velociraptor, we received nothing, because it’s a dinosaur and it’s been extinct for millions of years.