BENTONVILLE, AR – A mere 150 years after its tumultuous rise to infamy, the Confederate Flag is being removed from all Wal-Mart stores in a move that has somehow been labeled “proactive.”
But with the stars and bars gone from shelves, where can people go to find tacky garbage that allows strangers to quickly identify their philosophical shortcomings? Pretty much anywhere else in the store, actually.
For starters, you can head over to the dairy aisle and pick up some Larry the Cable Guy Pro-biotic Yogurt so people know you don’t need a college education to enjoy a healthy digestive tract.
Or check out the automotive section where you can find stickers for your car that feature Calvin (the lovable scamp from the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip) urinating any number of symbols. And there’s no explanation needed with these subtle decals. No one will misinterpret a boy evacuating his bladder on the UN symbol. Because just like that talking bass on aisle 5, it speaks for itself.
Confederate flags secede from Wal-Mart.