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Walmart Settles with Tracy Morgan, Details Private Except for the Obvious

at 11:30 am | By
Tracy Morgan's Wal-Morgans

(Photo by SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

Tracy Morgan has settled out of court with Walmart and will begin taking over several stores. Morgan likened it to Bruce Jenner’s transition to Caitlyn. “I’m turning this successful but evil champion into something beautiful. We will also have talking birds and a nightclub with a DJ in the back.” Morgan elaborated, “Thursday will be ladies night and Monday is for the pimps. It’s their day to just relax, network and talk about business. I always say, it’s hard out there for a pimp.”

Morgan also hinted that he will use the money for charitable causes like “Bigfoot research, Dinosaur scholarships. I mean I’ve never seen Bigfoot or a smart dinosaur at school,” Morgan quipped. Tracy will also found the Patrick Ewing charm school, that will teach men over seven feet tall how to function in polite society. We asked Patrick Ewing to comment and he said he has never met Tracy Morgan and has no knowledge of plans for the school.