Has your partner ever said something to you and you know they mean something completely different?
Or maybe you ask them a simple question and they give you a simple answer, but you know deep down, they are saying something much different than you think. Like when someone tells you “I’m not mad,” and in reality their furious. Or they say, “Do whatever you want to do,” and they actually mean, “Do what I want you to do.”
We’re here to help by offering you some of the best translations from common phrases and sayings every person you’ll ever date will say.
1. “I’m not mad.”
Well this is the easiest of them all. Of course they’re mad. In fact, they’re furious. The fact that they had to tell you they’re not mad is because they’re so anger if they let even a second of anger slip out of them, they will erupt like Vesuvius, and you my friend, are Pompeii.
2. “I’m happy for you.”
Let me set you straight, no one is ever happy for someone else. It’s a lie. There is some flexibility in this phrase. For example, “I’m so happy for you,” usually comes after a promotion or new job. It really means “I’m happy for us,” because your partner doesn’t want to look too selfish about your achievements. They’re not really happy for you, they’re happy they chose a partner that works to their advantage.
However, “I’m happy for you,” (no ‘so’) is quite the opposite. They’re actually saying, “How could you do this to me? How could you be so selfish?” and it’s best to smile, nod, and go directly to bed. Don’t wake up for several days and let your partner process.
3. “Oh I don’t care, what do you want to do?”
This is probably uttered ten times a minute throughout the world in dozens of different languages. “What do you want to do tonight?” you ask.
“Oh, I don’t care. What do you want to do?” your partner responds.
Don’t fall for it! It’s a trap. They DO care, and they know exactly what they want to do. They’re just afraid to admit it, because what they really want to do is leave this dead end relationship and date their yoga instructor.
4. “I’m Sorry.”
Yeah, right. Sorry? No, I don’t think so. Sorry is meant for people with emotions and an actual sense of decency. Your partner isn’t sorry, they’re cheating, lying, scheming brain is just trying to get you to shut up so they can continue watching a Sex in the City episode that they’ve seen at least ten times already. Carrie isn’t even that hot! This show is dated!
5. “Have fun with your yoga instructor.”
Yeah, I may have said that, but what I meant is, “I know you’re sleeping with d-bag Jerry, because my friend Carl told me Jerry says he sleeps with all his students, and I’m not buying that you two need to have ‘personal’ sessions at his beach house. Sure have fun, but don’t come crawling back to me when Jerry leaves you for a younger, more flexible yogi.”
6. “I’m tired, let’s just sleep.”
It’s wild that I might utter that, and you’re right, because guess what — I am not tired. I’m wide awake, and when you fall asleep I’m going to go through your phone to read ALL of your text messages, even the ones from your mother, until I find EXACTLY what I’m looking for.
7. “I KNEW IT!”
Oh, I’ll tell you exactly what that means. It means “I knew you were sleeping around. I can see right here, look at these texts come from your ‘yoga instructor’ Jerry. Where’s he live, huh? Maybe I should go there right now and give him a personal session of my own.
“Oh why did you have to do that? Don’t you love me? Don’t you find me attractive? I can’t believe you would do this. Please don’t go, I’m weak, I’m scared, I can’t do this alone, I can’t even make a hard boiled egg without screwing it up, don’t you love me? LOVE ME! LOVE ME! Oh God, this is it, I’m going to end it. NO I WILL NOT PUT THE BUTTER KNIFE DOWN!”
Hey! Wasn’t that great? Some simple phrases that really can have a few different meanings. Keep your ears open with your partner, because listening is important, and communication is the key to a strong relationship!