“I would have never guessed…”
Love is a really funny thing. One day you’re sad and alone working at a local liquor store, and the next moment, the most handsome man, 8 feet tall with a long beard and trench coat, is walking in and ordering two liquors and a case of libations. He really was a sight for sore eyes. A baby face if I’ve ever seen one. I could barely bag the two liquors he ordered I was so nervous. Thankfully, he paid in all pennies and dimes so we had time to talk.
When I mentioned how I lived in my own apartment, and answered yes, I am allowed to stay up as late as I want, I knew we were going to hit it off. It didn’t take long before we were seeing each other every night; being bad and eating ice cream for dinner, watching R-rated movies, and staying up way past 9:00 which he found so dirty.
Three months later, I became Mrs. Hercules McAdultman and I couldn’t have been happier. Or, at least that’s what I thought until our wedding night came. I begged him to take his trench coat off. You see, he wore it to bed every night and we hadn’t… you know… because he wanted to save himself until marriage. What a gentleman!
So when I finally pulled the coat away from him, I discovered his horrible secret. He actually was two children, one sitting on the other’s shoulders. It explained so much, like why he couldn’t bend over to pick things off the floor, why an 8 foot man wore children sneakers, and why he sneezed from his stomach. I couldn’t believe I didn’t pick up on any of these signs. Was I so anxious for love that I was willing to ignore the fact his beard was just a black piece of paper cut into small strands? Was I that desperate?
The answer is no.
When I sat down with those two children, I found out it wasn’t desperation, I really loved these two 12-year-old boys, and I wanted to stay married to them. Our wedding night was so many things: scary, surprising, loving, intimate, illegal, and so much more. I can’t wait for years of happiness, this time without the trench coat.
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