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Where Did Rick Perry’s Money Go?

at 6:41 pm | By

“I can pay everyone in D&B tokens if that works.”

(Photo by Getty / Scott Olson / Shutterstock)

(Photo by Getty / Scott Olson / Shutterstock)

Presidential hopeful Rick Perry stopped paying his staff in South Carolina after a shortage of money. While many are predicting this is the start of the end of Perry’s campaign trail, others want to know where all that money went. Here at The Farce, we have exclusive numbers that show us the top areas of Rick Perry’s spending.

Glasses

Rick Perry is known for his stylish specs. Unfortunately for the Republican, he’s also very OCD and demands a new pair of frames every day. As the frames are quite expensive, the totals add up. What’s even stranger, Perry actually has 20/20 vision!

Dave & Busters

Turns out Rick Perry is a huge Dave & Busters fan. He would often drive dozens of miles out of the way to find a D&B on the campaign trail. While his staff did enjoy a few games of Buck Hunter on the campaign dime, Perry didn’t even participate, he just loved the food.

Cecil the Lion Beanie Babies

Recently Ty released a lion Beanie Baby named Cecil. Perry stocked up on hundreds of the stuffed animal claiming them as a “huge investment” for the campaign and the country. “Give these babies two, three years tops and they’ll double in profits. That’s how we’re going to get this country out of debt!”

Confederate Flags

Rick Perry is not just stocking up on Beanie Babies but Confederate flags and making one giant quilt out of them that he one day hopes to cover the entirety of the South.

Fetal Tissue

Secretly, Planned Parenthood had an “Everything Must Go” Sale. And as Perry and many other Republicans are trying to shut down Planned Parenthood, Perry had the wise idea to stock up on fetal tissue so that, one day, he can sell to scientists and researchers that are trying to help save lives. Brilliant Rick!

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