News so real... it probably isn't

Why This is the Most Racist Sandwich Ever

at 5:14 pm | By
peanut butter and jelly close up diagonal cut

(Photo by TJFritz)

A few years back, a Portland school deemed this Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich racist. Verenice Gutierrez, principal of Harvey Scott K-8 School in Portland, reported to the Portland Tribune, why exactly he thinks the famous lunch time snack, also known as the PB&J is so offensive. We summed up his words so you don’t have to read through his confusing gibberish.

First, the specific sandwich Gutierrez was referring to was brought to school by a mixed race child, which in itself is racist. It should be considered a omni-cultural young human male, but people still don’t understand what it means to be politically correct, these days.

The sandwich was wrapped in tin foil.

And if anyone has searched deep enough into ridiculous symbolism, they’d understand that wrapping anything in tin foil represents oppression. Just like the shackles wrapped around slaves and prisoners, foil is made of a metal and holds back sandwiches from the freedom they deserve.

The sandwich was made of white bread.

First, it’s caucasian bread, and those who choose white over the many other flavors of bread are being single-minded. Why not wheat or multi-grain bread? A marble rye is quite admirable. A pretzel roll is also accepted.

The racist sandwich used blackberry jam

You know, we’ve come so far in society. Do we still need to call these berries black? When I see berries, I don’t see color. I see a mathematician berry, I see a astronaut berry, I see the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES Barry Obama berry.

The peanut butter was low fat

So not only was this sandwich racist, it also had to conform to society’s expectations of beauty? Some of us like a little junk in the jar. Some of us would go as far as to say they collect images of nude obese women (of ALL races) holding many different kinds of sandwiches with condiments aplenty drizzled all over their bodies. So think twice next time you put low fat peanut butter on a omni-cultural young human male’s astronaut berry jam and peanut butter sandwich on marble rye. Think twice, friends!

If you enjoyed the article,  please SHARE to help us in the Farcing!