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With More Children Getting Drunk on Hand Sanitizer, Smirnoff Finds Opportunity

at 4:59 pm | By

Goes great with lime!


girl holding out hands for hand sanitizer

Credit: Shutterstock; Creative Commons

After a report by the Georgia Poison control center found an almost 400% increase in the amount of children becoming intoxicated after ingesting hand sanitizer, beverage brand Smirnoff has decided to capitalize on what they see as a new “trend in the market.”

Ivan Menezes, CEO of Smirnoff’s parent corporation Diageo, announced the company’s plan in a meeting held for investors, Monday.

“The numbers are in, the market is clamoring for a cool, hip way for toddlers and children to get drunk!” Menezes announced to raucous applause.

“We can either fight a losing fight against preventing our products from falling into children’s hands, or we can do what market economies are designed to do, and give them what they want. And we here are at Smirnoff are nothing if not capitalists! That’s why, this fall, you can expect to see a full line of peach, grape, and strawberry Smirnoff Ice Hand Cleansers!”

And, Smirnoff is far from the only brand hoping to lure these new consumers of alcoholic cleaning products. In fact, as of press time, Mike’s Hard Hand Sanitizer was already being focused grouped at preschools around the United States.

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