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With Planned Parenthood Defunded, Wire Hanger Sales Skyrocket

at 5:23 pm | By

Dick Cheney Acquires Wire Hanger Factory


pregnant woman with wire hangers


Market Analysts have predicted a sharp increase in the wire hanger market following the passing of a Republican bill to defund Planned Parenthood. These reports are consistent with the Wall Street Journal’s newest economic forecasts, which anticipate a sharp rise in the construction of very dangerous, steep staircases, as well as karate lessons that specifically target the stomach of a would-be attacker.

The Bill to defund planned parenthood is part of a larger set of Republican policies, better known as the “Get Them Back in the Kitchen” initiatives. Along with the defunding of Planned Parenthood, Ted Cruz has proposed a bill to replace math and science for girls with courses entitled “how to find and a man” and “opinion stifling.” Mike Huckabee, not to be outdone by his presidential rival, is advocating for the reclassification of all female orgasms as sodomy.

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