Area woman Mary Thompson decided to postpone her breakup following news that multiplatinum recording artist, Adele, plans to release a new album next month.
Thompson has been considering ending things with her boyfriend, Billy, ever since he lied about Facebook chatting with his ex-girlfriend, Sandra, in September of this year. Earlier this week, when Billy failed, for the 6th consecutive time, to make Thompson his “Woman Crush Wednesday” on Instagram, she “knew it was over.”
“I know me and Billy aren’t gonna work. If you don’t respect me on social media, how can I expect you to respect me IRL?” Thompson vented, before explaining “but if I break up with him right now, I won’t have any good, sad songs to listen to. Plus, Adele’s releasing her next album on November 20th! That’s less than a week before Thanksgiving!”
Ms. Thompson then described her plans in more detail, telling assembled reporters she would break up with Billy on the 20th, put on her stretchiest leggings, and listen to Adele while cry-eating mashed potatoes until she “didn’t feel sad anymore”
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Plans to cry-eat mashed potatoes until “the sad goes away.”