Mexican Drug Cartels Enter Printer Ink Market
JUAREZ, MEXICO – A prolonged firefight in the aisles of a local Office Depot marked a dark turn in the printer ink market.
After years of inexplicable price increases, printer ink finally reached a tipping point as its price per ounce exceeded that of gold, human plasma, and high-grade marijuana. So it was only a matter of time before black ink hit the black market.
On Tuesday, armed gunmen from the Malo Gato and BloodSalsa cartels met in a violent clash that claimed the lives of 13 men and 27 gallons of Epson printer ink.
Authorities at the George Bush International Airport realized that the ink was smuggled through their facility when janitors alerted officials of a urinal with a great deal of cyan splatters in and around it. Ink smugglers often swallow condoms filled with the precious ink. When the condoms break, the ink seeps just one way out.
“Judging by the splatters, we estimate that about $18,000 worth of ink was pissed away here. These guys should really buy better condoms,” said one official.