News so real... it probably isn't

Young Women Say No to Thongs, but Young Men Say Yes!

at 2:29 pm | By

While a New York Times article reported a younger generation of women are ditching the thong, men are still in love with them.

A photo posted by @snakeoilpills on

Men love thongs. The younger generation of men can’t get enough of them. From pearl thongs to workout thongs, men want them, and they want them all the time. While women might be straying away from the dainty undergarment and choosing comfort, men want to be as uncomfortable as possible. “I just remember so many wedgies in high school,” One super-dweeb recalled. “Once I made it to college, the wedgies stopped and I had no way to feel an intense amount of fabric ride up my butt crack. Thankfully, one of my dorm-mates left a thong drying on a shower rack. I put it on and never turned back.”

A photo posted by @emotionarchitects on

Studies show that men between the ages of 18 and 23 are raising thong sales to almost double of what they were last year. “First it was a way to hide my briefs-line through my basketball shorts, but now it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, I need a thong up my crack,” explained a sophomore from LSU, “Girls love seeing my whale tail when I’m browsing books on lower shelves, too. My glitter thong gets me laid, like, all the time.”

Who knows if we’ll continue to see this trend rise, but if Nicki Minaj’s cover of the Thong Song is any indication of what’s to come, men in thongs will be with us for awhile.